Oh hi, you're still here?

     Hey guys. So it's been a minute or two. And by that I mean like seven months but pssshhhh it hasn't been THAT long :) In all seriousness, I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in forever. Life is reeeeeaaaly crazy right now so I'll try to post when I can, but it probably won't be all that regularly or weekly. Um yup this is basically just a little update to say "hey. Don't worry. I'm not dead." Sooooo yeah I think that's all for now. I hope to be posting again very very soon :)
                           
     
                                               Torilinn

End of the Notebook

     Sup Ya'll? So today my post is something I wrote on the very last page of a notebook. I'd had the notebook for about nine months and had written a lot of personal stuff in there. When it came to the last pages, I was really sad. Maybe I'm just overly sentimental but it felt a little like losing a friend. When I reached the end I didn't want the last page to just have some random song lyrics. So I wrote this piece as a sort of......tribute I guess. Kinda silly, writing a tribute for a notebook, but it made me feel better about letting it go, even as I started a new notebook. I don't know if I'd call it a poem exactly, but I hope you like it anyway!

End of the Notebook

I hope in the past nine months I've changed.

This notebook recorded all of my pain. 

But it captured the happy moments too. 

And it caught all the times that I needed You. 

The happy and sad times, the good and the bad times. 

I wrote it all down, the smiles and the frowns, 

songs fabricated, the worlds I created. 

I always took a note, so if you wanna know,

look inside this notebook and you'll look inside my head. 

The stories I brought to life the songs I left dead. 

The times I was hurting and needed a light. 

The times that I worshiped my Lord Jesus Christ. 

When Life was ok, when I had a good day,

when things got hard, or I just played a part. 

The times when I should've slept,

the secrets I would've kept,

if it hadn't been for a song within just dying to get out. 

A song that was reaching up for the clouds. 

So know this without a single a doubt, 

I've got no plans of burning out. 

Heck I'm gonna scream and shout. 

The world will know what I'm about. 

And so if you're reading this it means you've reached the end. 

It feels a little like I'm saying goodbye to a friend. 

But I'll find another notebook just you wait and see. 

You have not by any shot seen the last of me. 

End of the Notebook all rights reserved T. Cwanek 5/11/18 

     Please know that just because I finished that notebook doesn't mean I'm out of poems. I started writing in a new notebook and there's plenty to write about! And if and when I do run out, there's always song lyrics :) Anyway, that's all for today. Keep being awesome my peeps! 

                                                                                                        Torilinn

Original Poem: Rainy Day

     Hey Guys! Got a short poem today. The only inspiration for this is it was pouring really hard one night and I felt like writing about rain. Enjoy!

Rainy Day
Gray sky,
raindrops slide down the window.
Clouds cry,
damp and cold,
raindrops roll down my face.
Blue umbrellas,
red rubber boots,
puddle splashing,
soaked through.
Thunder crack,
lightning shred,
safe inside here in bed.
Curled up on the couch,
blanket, book and hot chocolate.
By the window
watch it pour.
I'll be sad when it doesn't anymore.
Rainy Day all rights reserved. T. Cwanek 5/9/18 

Let me know what movies I should review next!
                             
                                                                                                                 Torilinn

Original Poem: The Memory of Life

     Hey guys! Sorry it's been awhile. My summer is always extremely busy so I haven't had time to post. For now, I'm going to try and post whenever I can, and get back into a more weekly schedule closer to fall.
     Today I'm sharing yet another poem, mostly because I haven't decided on another good movie or book to review yet. I'd love your suggestions!
     Anyway the premise for this poem is a teenage girl, who I at first imagined as dead (it's morbid I know, but I was thinking about ghosts at the time), remembering the best parts of her life. But as I was writing this it became more of a celebration of what I love about Life. Some things in this poem haven't actually happened to me, but I can't help it if I'm a hopeless romantic :)

The Memory of Life
I remember Water.
Clear blue pools
Escaping underwater to my secret world of muffled turquoise and bubbles and ripples.
Rain
Dancing in it
Swimming in it
Being alive in it
Coolness and calmness blending into electricity in my veins.
Ocean
Crashing waves becoming gentle trickles at my feet.
Liquid glass washing away any imperfections in the grainy sand.
Salt air filling my lungs with pure, clean Life.
Smooth ripples gliding over me,
floating me away, letting me forget all else.
I remember Water.

I remember Color.
Rainbow Christmas lights hung in my room.
No other glow but what they gave.
Red, Blue Yellow, Purple, Orange,Green.
Their glows blending and mixing, reflecting off my aqua walls.
A world of glow in the dark, reflecting glass, and twinkling lights.
An escape from reality to dream, to think, to imagine.
Fractured shadows creating newer, vibrant shades
bathing the room in a cool calmness.
I remember Color.

I remember Friendship.
Laughing and arguing.
Connected, tethered to each other's souls.
Listening, crying, hugging.
Always there through crashing thunder and gentle sun.
Fighting, forgiving.
Parties, cookouts, movies.
There in a heartbeat, always true.
No explanations needed.
Inseparable.
Purest form of trust existing.
Strongest form of loyalty.
I remember Friendship.

I remember Love.
The want, the need, of a mother's hug.
Acceptance, caring, father's favor.
Loyal dog to the end.
Girl's best friend.
Slow to anger, quick to forgive.
Lifelong friendships
Unbreakable bond.
Boys with freckles and flashing, mischievous eyes.
Holding hands, slow dances.
Secret kisses, the stars and the sky the only witnesses.
Taking the bullet for another's life.
Giving up everything for another's need.
No excuses.
Mistakes, apologies, forgiveness.
Patient, caring, loyal, unshakable.
I remember Love.

I remember Water and Color and Friendship and Love.
I remember Life.

The Memory of Life all rights reserved. T. Cwanek 12/22/17 

     Obviously this doesn't cover everything but I think the four topics work well together as one poem. Hope you guys liked it!

                                                                                                               Torilinn





   

Original Poem: Untitled

     Hi guys! I've got another abstract poem today. I really don't know what to call this one. I wrote it at the end of September last year so I've had plenty of time to think about it, but nothing really seems to fit. Some might interpret it as dreaming, but I wasn't thinking about what dreaming feels like when I wrote it. The best I can come up with is maybe this is about what it's like to be inside someone's else's head. I don't know, it's weird whatever it is :)

Untitled
Lost in the make-believe
or trapped inside a dream?
Splashes of imaginary,
ghosts of reality.
Wandering through a forest of
thoughts you never can think of.
Running from fears that you can't see,
the things in your dreams that never sleep.
Distorted, flashing beams,
faded electricity.
Fantasies of memory,
metallic colors shimmering.
Infinite tunnel with light at the end
seems so straight but suddenly bends.
Searching, searching for escape,
running, running,
too late.
Glowing streamers,
flickering light,
gray and white fireworks ignite.
Sky so dull, yet so bright,
explosions lighting up the night.
Every Joy every Fear,
crystal ball, perfect sphere.
Visions of memories that were never made.
Everything comes crashing down.
Tidal wave in which we drown.
Eternal sleep in nothingness,
only ever knowing this,
Reality does not exist.
Untitled all rights reserved. T. Cwanek 9/26/17

     Welp, I hoped ya'll enjoyed this, even if you have no idea what it's supposed to be about. Keep being awesome my peeps!
                                                                                                 
                                                                                                  Torilinn

Original Poem: Sleep without Dreams

     Hey hey hey wassup everybody? Today's poem is pretty self explanatory if you read the title (Which I assume you did). Basically the inspiration for this poem came from me reading a book, and a chapter ended with the character saying they fell asleep and slept without dreams. So of course I thought " I should write a poem about that" :) It's mostly just about that feeling of dozing off, then suddenly waking up and it being hours later even though it feels like you just fell asleep. Enjoy!

Sleep without Dreams 
A flashout
A blackout
A wrinkle in time
That does not exist in your memory

Blink
Snap
Blurred out
Clap
Muffled
energy
White noise

Night
Blinkout
Day
Wake up

Evening
Asleep
Morning
Awake
No in between
No other state
of mind
but that of dreams.
Sleep without Dreams All rights reserved. T. Cwanek 12/22/17 

A bit shorter today, but hey, I need a break from the super long stuff too :) That's all for now guys!

                                                                                                            Torilinn

Original Poem: Colored Shadows

     What is up my peeps? Today's poem actually makes sense, or at least sort of. The inspiration came from when I was learning how to do lights for a local theater group. My mentor spent a lot of time teaching me about how to design lighting in terms of colors and placement. For example, if you're designing the lighting for a scene with a fireplace, what part of the stage has a fireplace? What colors would you use to convey a warmth coming from that spot? How big is the fire? How bright should the glow be? It was all really interesting, but the last thing we talked about really got me thinking.
     My mentor explained that shadows are very important when it comes to lighting. For example, you could have an actress in a stunning deep green dress, but as soon as you put a red light on her that dress turns black. After that, I tried staring at walls that had a shadow cast on them, and forcing my brain to see what color that patch of wall looked like.
     See, when our brains look at anything with shadow on it, if we know the object is supposed to be green, our brains compensate for the red light and tell us the object is still green. But if you concentrate hard enough you can make your brain see that one shadowed patch as the color the shadow is creating. It's usually only a darker shade of the original object, like the shadow of a dresser on a bedroom wall, but there are more obvious examples too, like the red light on the green dress.
     Anyway, that's the inspiration for this poem. I hope ya'll like it!

Colored Shadows 
What color is a shadow?
Black.
No, not really.
Maybe a sort of gray, I suppose.
No,that's not right either.
Perhaps a shadow's not really any color at all.
Perhaps it's just an emptiness, a void.
Yes, that makes sense.
An emptiness that could be filled with any color you thought of.
A blank canvas, waiting to be splashed with Life and color.
What? What do you mean "no splashes"?
Clearness? Perfection?
Lines!?
No of course there would not be straight lines!
Have you ever seen Life go in a straight line?
But you see that's exactly the point!
You cannot hold it or grasp it.
You can pick and choose which colors will be poured in,
and how much of each color.
But you cannot control how they will blend and swirls together.
That is the fun of it don't you think?
But I get ahead of myself.
Perhaps you are right.
Maybe there are no colors.
Maybe...it's not an emptiness or a void.
Perhaps it truly is just a shadow.
Nothing more.
Just a fraction of one's self,
projected on the floor.
Colored Shadows All rights reserved. T. Cwanek 10/7/17 

                                                                                        Keep being awesome guys!
                                                                                                           
                                                                                                             Torilinn